About Me - Jill Kroog - Executive Director of Mother-Matters

Welcome to Mother Matters, I am Jill Kroog, the executive Director of the Mother Matters Foundation.

I am married to a wonderful man (7 years in August), we have 2 energetic, adventurous young boys, Monkey Man, 4 and Boo Boo Chicken, 20 months (I’ll explain the names later), 2 devious little puppies and 1 old dog.

I am an entrepreneur at heart and have run businesses for 12 years. I am the executive director of Mother Matters and I spend time working at Balanced Living for Moms as well as being a stay at home mom to my 2 boys, puppies and dog.

My husband is used to my wide range of business interests and supports me, our family and my work. I work from home and have found that balance is the key to my success as a mom; although, it was not always that way.

While pregnant, we decided that we would be different; our son would be an addition to our lives and not a distraction pulling us from our chosen activities. Thrilled and excited about his birth we prepared our home and lives for his arrival, or so we thought.

I am not sure that any amount of preparation can prepare you for the life changing experience a newborn brings. It is wonderful, full of love but overwhelming at times.

Within a few weeks, I experienced a shift in myself and my focus. Let’s face it, hormones are flying, sleep is a distant memory, and getting used to a baby is time consuming. I was thrilled with my son, loved him beyond belief and yet felt as though something was missing. I longed for my old life filled with spontaneity; yet, loved being a mom and caring for my newborn son. It was confusing and could become consuming if left to continue.

Call it the baby blues or mild hormonal depression, I was mourning my independence. I would not give up morphing into the woman, mom and person I am today but it was a tough road that got me to where I am today.

A few months of conflicting feelings were a small price to pay for the balance that I feel today. I took charge of my life, creating a balance within me – my goals, dreams, ambitions, family and career. By choice and the support of my family, I continue to be a mom, wife and work driven woman, maintaining goals and dreams for my future and the future of my family.

The path of motherhood took an unfortunate turn when our second pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks. I learned how common a miscarriage is and turned to my friends and family to survive the deep sense of loss prior to trying again. Six months later we were pregnant again and 2-1/2 years after our first son, we gave birth to another happy, healthy baby boy.

Shortly after having my second son, I founded and became the executive director of the Mother Matters Foundation, http://www.mother-matters.com/, where moms find support, community and self empowerment. It was important for me to help moms feel successful.

I write, speak, coach and teach under the name Balanced Living for Moms, http://www.balancedlivingformoms.com/, and am active with multiple moms groups around the nation. I help set up, facilitate and provide classes and information to those groups.

I am a published author of the pregnancy journal, I Love You, I Love Me. My second book, Making Time for Me, is on the way and should be available soon. Both journals are designed to help the reader connect with herself and create a blueprint for her own happiness as a mother, role model and woman.

Every day offers an opportunity for us to learn from each other; we all make mistakes, have successes and grow together. I will chronicle my parenting adventures, provide insights for useful products, and talk about motherhood, kids and more.

I look forward to sharing my stories, insights and family photos. Please do the same as we build a community full of moms helping each other through the joys and turmoil of motherhood.

Off to make the most of motherhood, because Mother Matters!

Building a Community of Moms

The following is a post that I wrote today for ePregnancy. I seldom link my posts but felt so strongly about the information that I wanted to share it with you.

I believe that moms are empowered by community. The power that comes from being heard is the reason that I support moms groups and online communities. Whether online, like ePregnancy, or in person, like mommy and me groups, the feeling and validation that come from community help moms get through the tough days and enjoy the great ones.

Motherhood can be difficult and it feels like a full time job, 24 hours a day. Through talking, bonding and relating with each other we can relish in the happiness that comes from being understood.

After all, knowing that we are not alone somehow makes the hard times easier and being able to relate to each other helps us grow stronger.

I hope that you enjoy the post.

Go to: http://www.epregnancy.com/Community/blogs/mommy_milestones/archive/2008/07/23/community-of-moms.aspx

I have blogged about many other topics on Mommy Milestones, posted pictures and shared stories. Please go to ePregnancy, check out the community and find a place to feel at home.

Good luck on your journey, I 'll keep you posted on mine!
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Post 7-23-08 -- Community of Moms

As I play at the playground with my boys, I hear stories about the love, appreciation, regrets and guilt that moms feel throughout motherhood. I hear two moms talking as they support each other from two different perspectives.

One woman is taking the day off from work to spend time with her son. She needs to work for financial reasons but often regrets the time that she misses with her son. He is now going into first grade and she says that she feels like she has missed so much.

The other woman stays home with her daughter and expresses guilt that she misses going into an office for work. She thinks that she should be grateful for the time that they have together and yet misses her work friends and lifestyle. She complains about the guilty feeling and regret but truly loves her daughter and wishes that there was something more that she could do to feel better about herself.

As I listen to them talk I quietly understand that the simple gesture of talking and listening helps a mom feel validated and understood. These moms are community, standing on a playground, loving their children and bonding.

Moms have a common thread; we are first and foremost a mother. We think about our child when we are with them and think about them even more when we are away from them. Moms question our decisions because they impact the lives of our children. We want what is best for our child and family, and tend to sacrifice our own needs for the needs and well being of others.

I am not for moms’ giving so much that they forget to fulfill their own needs and desires in the process, but understand how it can happen.

I believe that a mom deserves the praise and appreciation of her family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors because no decision that a mom makes is made lightly. There is always the thought in the back of our mind how this will affect our child, family, and their happiness.

Motherhood has never been easy; it has always been a full time job. Some moms have strong opinions on raising children and voice them at the expense of other moms. In my opinion a mom never stops being a mom; we are moms at home, at work, in the car, at the store, etc.

It is discouraging to hear moms at odds with each other. At the end of the day we are a community that needs to support each other, understand and encourage our decisions and work together to raise strong, capable children that know how to love and honor each other.

Maintaining balance or at least harmony in life and showing our kids how to do the same is one of the hardest things for a mother to do. Guilt and regret serve no one and weigh on decisions, family and happiness.

Moms know that motherhood is rewarding in ways beyond words of praise and recognition. Words are few and far between but the feeling of personal satisfaction runs deep, knowing that our children and families are cared for, happy and thriving.

People often notice the pile of laundry but never mention the neatly folded clothes in the drawers. They see the dishes in the sink or the spots on the mirror but seldom comment on the home cooked meal or fully stocked refrigerator. Let alone the hours of support given to help a child become an honor student, the hours supporting practice and games, music lessons, ballet, math camp, contributing to the PTA, driving for field trips, and baking cookies for the girl scout meeting.

It goes without saying that a mom’s job is never done; there is always a toy to pick up, a skinned knee to kiss, a late night waiting for a child to come home from a first dance, or even standing in the delivery room as our baby has a baby. Even when our children are grown, a mom is still a mom, thinking and hoping for the happiness of our child.

As my children grow into the people they will become, I honor them and those who support me along the way. For the moments of sharing, listening and supporting in ways that seem so simple at the time, thank you!

I am grateful for moms everywhere!

You are doing a GREAT job!

Stop worrying about tomorrow and enjoy today. Know that your choices are made from your heart and that no matter what, you made them with love.

Smile at another mom, tell her "Great Job" and support each other. If we don’t, who will?

We are a community of moms who need each other, deserve to feel good about our choices and not look back; only our future and the future that we are creating with and for our children deserve our attention.

I am proud to be a part of the community of mothers everywhere and I am proud of you!

Off to make another Mommy Milestone.

The Power of Women

Sometimes I forget how powerful it is to get together with a bunch of women and talk. There are times in life when getting together with friends is difficult. Work, kids, activities and the daily "stuff" sometimes gets in the way.

Last week I had the privilege of going to a women's retreat and connecting with 250 women. 245 of whom I had never met before. Meeting these women and making new friends was truly a gift. I enjoyed talking and laughing with strangers as they became friends. I found out new things about me as well. I stepped out of my normal comfort zone and tried something new. I even roomed with 5 complete strangers and made connections that will go well beyond those few days.

I made a deeper connection with a friend from a networking group. I knew that the connection was always there but it was nice to find that we have more in common than just that group.

I learned about others, learned about myself, missed my husband and kids and, again, appreciated them for their support of my personal and professional goals.

The power of connecting with other women and taking time myself were gifts not to be taken for granted.

If you have the opportunity, go to a networking event, join a friend when she goes out with her work friends or take the time to go to a social event where you can meet other women. Make an effort, step out of your comfort zone and see what happens. You might be surprised. The power of women connecting with women affect all aspects of our lives.

Parenthood...

Being a parent watching a child grow is like watching grains of sand slowly trickle from your hands.

Pregnancy begins the journey of parenthood. When I was pregnant with my first son I felt a sense of calm, feeling that I had control over his safety. It was a false sense of control because pregnancy is a delicate and intricate process that creates the beautiful baby 9 months later. However, as the mom, I thought that if I ate right, was cautious and took care of myself to the best of my ability, I would be caring for my unborn baby. Then, when I became pregnant for the second time I learned that sometimes, even when you do your best, things happen. I lost the second pregnancy at 11 weeks. The doctor said that it happen quite frequently and there is no way to know why the pregnancy "terminated". It would not mean that I couldn't get pregnant again and have a wonderful pregnancy as I did the first time.

My husband and I were devastated. We never thought that could happen to us. That day we heard stories from friends who had similar experiences. It became clear how precious the gift of pregnancy and parenthood are. We were fortunate to become pregnant again and now have 2 boys.

I realized that even as I held my baby within my belly, I was not in control. I learned the lesson that control is an illusion. I had no more control over my babies well being when he was inside me that I do when I watch him ride his bike. As a parent I wish for some sense of control that equates to safety. As an individual I know that life has lessons for all of us.

As a parent I watch my children, teach them what I have learned and realize that time is something that moves at its' own pace. The first year of my son's life is going so fast. He has grown, changed and learned so much. He is no longer dependant on me for all of his needs. He is mobile, has his own opinions of what he likes and dislikes, has favorite toys and is moving into developing his independence.

The challenge for a parent is to know when to let go. From the time the baby is born we are preparing ourselves to let them walk on their own. I am amazed at how fast that day comes and how hard it is to stand back and let them fall, knowing that the only way to learn is to experience. Then comes sending them off to school. The list goes on and on.

Watch the sand trickle through your fingers, each grain another experience. Even when you think that the sand is gone, look closer, the glow of the tiny specs of sand remain. Even when our children are grown and on there own, their glow is still with us, the parents. The thoughts of childhood fill our heart, our memories, and our spirits with the joy and love of parenthood.

Inner Strength

My husband and I have 2 young children and I am constantly trying to protect them in everyday life. I hear stories daily that are tragic and involve kids. It makes me hold on even tighter to my babies.

Yesterday, the news came on right after Oprah, as it always does. I usually turn it off because I have a hard time hearing all of the tragedy in our world. For some reason, I left it on. The first story was about a family awaiting news on whether or not their son was on a helicopter that was shot down in Iraq. I saw the family. I know the family. My husband is good friends with the Mother. At that moment, I began to cry.

For her, for her family, for her son and for the hope that he was not on the helicopter. For all of the moms everywhere waiting to hear news about their child. For families who have lost a child. For all of the moms praying that their child is going to be okay. For all of the dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so many more, that sit wondering if their loved one is okay. For the people in the waiting rooms at the hospitals praying for their loved ones. I wept for them all. I sat in awe of the strength that it takes to watch you son, daughter, husband, wife, dad or mom go off to war.

On Monday I watched as parents cried when their child entered preschool. My son waved goodbye excited about the day and I realized that I can not control every minute of his day and this is just the beginning. I watched stories on television of parents sending their kids off to college and how hard it was to have them away from home. Then I wondered, what strength must be found deep within to wave goodbye as your child goes off to war. Not only a child, any and all people waving and praying to whoever they believe in for a safe return of their loved one.
The strength seems to be available when we need it. We don't even know that we posses it until we are driven to call upon it. It is the strength that allows people to do things that are not humanly possible. We have all heard the stories that defy logic. Is it our inner strength, faith, guidance, luck? I don't know but I am grateful that it is there when I am driven to call upon it.

My heart goes out to all of you everywhere. May your love for your family and your love for yourself guide you and keep you safe.

Cautious or Carefree?

Before I got married and had a family I seemed to be carefree. I had an entraprenurial spirit and would lay it all on the line time and again for my business. Why not? What did I have to lose? I only had me to worry about. My theory was, what is the worst thing that can happen, I would have to get a job. I already had one before and it wasn't so bad, so why worry.

Well, then I met the man that I would later marry. I kept my carefree attitude towards work and finances for a while. It did become a little harder becasue it did affect someone other than me. A little caution crept in.

Then, the wammy! I had my son and all of a sudden I was cautious about my decisions. It seemed that I was so cautious about his safety that it seeped into my career, my financial decision, everything. It took about 6 months for me to realize that I had changed, dramatically. I went from a carefree, lay it on the line go get what you want entraptrnuer to an overly cautious wife and mother who ran a business.

Wow! I was shocked when I figured it out. The trick was how to change it back, or should I ? Was I being irresponsible to live more carefree with a family? Was I cheating myself if I didn't? I felt a tug of war going on inside of me. So, I made a compromise.

When I made a decision to do something, I would go for it with a blaze of glory. No holds barred. Otherwise, how would I know if I could do it or not? I decided that I had to give the things that were important to me a chance and if I was cautious I was not being me and I could sabotage what I was doing.

I also decided to show my sons (we have two now) that if you want to do something, make sure that it is what you want, feel it in the core of who you are. Then, if you still want it, go for it. What is the worst that can happen? You try again. In my opinion it becomes education on how not to do it next time.

I have decided that I would rather be a mom that has tried a lot and succeeded at a few than a mom who was afraid to try. My husband supports my decision, after all, it is who I was meant to be. Now I am authentic with both of my sons and they see me for who I am. A woman who likes to go for what she wants and feels good about it.

Since then, I wrote 2 books, a set of empowerment cards and started a non profit foundation all because I went for it. Thanks to laying it on the line and going for it, why not?